SAHM

For those of you who don't know, that is an acronym of "stay at home moms". I just finished reading a book by Meredith Efkin called, "@ Home for the Holidays". This book is a series of emails or 'emails from a sahm loop' of moms who are supporting one another. I realized that this is the second book in the series, but it was a good enough stand alone.

Again, I apologize that this is a diversion from my usual stories about my boys, but it does explain a lot of things about my life. I know my blog will never be *important* or "well-read" or "popular" as my husband pointed out to me yesterday, but the purpose of my blog has never been to be any of that. It is meant for me to tell those who are closest to me about my boys and about my life. Who I am, essentially.

I am a sahm. I do so by choice. I am far from being a Martha Wannabe or a Stepford wife as you can be. My house is messy (but sanitary), my boys are well-fed and cared for. I am also not one of those "MOMS Club" moms who think that staying home with your kids is the only option. For me, it is the best option for many reasons.

I stay at home because I want to. For me (and for only me, probably), staying at home is the best option. It is so because I can't imagine going to work. Again, this is not a working mom versus stay at home mom thing. My skills are best used at home. That doesn't mean that I don't get burned out and need a break. If I said I was wonder woman I would be lying. I remember the first few years of mommyhood and I was burned out. I felt as if I had to do everything (gotta love my type-A, perfectionism). I never had a babysitter unless it was my folks those first few years. I just didn't believe in it. I believed I made the choice to stay home, so I should always take care of my children.

I have since learned how wrong that is. Not tooting my own horn, but there is a lot that had I not stayed at home, oldest would not have made the type of progress that he did had I not been home. I have learned that in order for my boys to make progress, it is a team effort. I have also learned that a rested mom is a happy mom. If mom is not rested and in 'low' stress mode, then things do not go smoothly in this house. THAT does not make me a bad mom. That makes me a realistic mom. That makes me a person who knows and accepts her limitations. That is good.

One thing that I thought was interesting is husband said that things such as Facebook and email (including email loops) are the 'worst things for housewives" (he just said this yesterday). I think these are the best things for SAHM. First of all, we have a support system. For example, I have an online support system for moms with a child on the autism spectrum. Is that a bad thing? Nope. We share ideas, give supports before IEP meetings, bounce ideas, etc. In the 'old days' this type of thing would not be available to moms like me. So, it would be better to be like it was when I first became a mom, feeling isolated and alone? No, I don't think so. Will I ever meet these people? Probably not as we are all scattered around the country. I know that if I didn't have this support system, I would probably be lost. I also have one locally. So, is the internet bad for SAHMs? No, I don't think so. What it has done is created a way for us to quickly interact with each other.

I also think that there is a 'label' that the working parent has for the SAHP (that's stay at home parent). This was briefly touched upon in my book that I just finished. What's interesting is that I know the working parent thinks that we just 'email, play on the internet and eat bon-bons" (hubby has said this, so I know that this is true and it was mentioned in the book when the SAHM became the breadwinner and the father stayed at home). I think that there is a lot of misunderstanding of what the SAHM does.

I actually consider myself a manager of my boys' schedules more than I consider myself a "homemaker' (in fact, I loathe that term). For example, I think my husband manages his subordinates, manages clients and reviews work. He'll probably tell you that he does more. What do I do as a SAHM? Well, I manage sub-ordinates (children), manage clients (teachers) and review work (of my boys' homework or of repair people/house cleaners, etc). So, my 'job' is not so far off of his job.

Why do SAHM get such little respect? That is the big question. Why do teachers get paid so little? First of all, it is a predominately female profession. As a 'typical' female profession, both have traditionally do not have respect of our society. Why is that? That is a good question. We both 'touch' the future of this country. Where would our next generation be without teachers and parents?

Now, I am not saying that you cannot be a working parent and not be involved in your child's life, but for me, it is the best option. For me, I would miss those 'little moments'. I have found something that 'fulfills' me. I know that I am lucky that I am able to stay home with my boys. I know that not every parent has that ability (financial or otherwise) to do so. Staying home means a lot of sacrifices. I realize that. I do not have my 'head in the sand' and think that every mom can do it or that the working parent does not want to stay home. However, it is also important to note that part of the SAHM's job is to support the working parent. It is also important that the working parent support the SAHM. Raising children is a team effort. I am just lucky enough to be the stay at home parent.

I also think that with my situation, it is best if I stay at home. As a parent of a special needs child, I cannot imagine getting him to the activities that he needs to go to while having a job especially since he needs routine and structure. My other two also need someone to tootle them around the place. I have become the typical 'soccer' mom in my few years of 'mommyness'.

My purpose of this blog post is not to show you, "this is what I do and my job is purposeful'. Rather, the purpose of this post is to let you into a little bit of my world. I read this book and it touched me. It was interesting how misunderstood SAHMs are in this world. I also think the working parent is also misunderstood. I think that is the new 'war' (when I had oldest it was the working mom versus stay at home mom, now I think it is the SAHM and the working parent). I don't really understand why we can't just all get along and focus our energies on raising our children to be good citizens...