SAHM

For those of you who don't know, that is an acronym of "stay at home moms". I just finished reading a book by Meredith Efkin called, "@ Home for the Holidays". This book is a series of emails or 'emails from a sahm loop' of moms who are supporting one another. I realized that this is the second book in the series, but it was a good enough stand alone.

Again, I apologize that this is a diversion from my usual stories about my boys, but it does explain a lot of things about my life. I know my blog will never be *important* or "well-read" or "popular" as my husband pointed out to me yesterday, but the purpose of my blog has never been to be any of that. It is meant for me to tell those who are closest to me about my boys and about my life. Who I am, essentially.

I am a sahm. I do so by choice. I am far from being a Martha Wannabe or a Stepford wife as you can be. My house is messy (but sanitary), my boys are well-fed and cared for. I am also not one of those "MOMS Club" moms who think that staying home with your kids is the only option. For me, it is the best option for many reasons.

I stay at home because I want to. For me (and for only me, probably), staying at home is the best option. It is so because I can't imagine going to work. Again, this is not a working mom versus stay at home mom thing. My skills are best used at home. That doesn't mean that I don't get burned out and need a break. If I said I was wonder woman I would be lying. I remember the first few years of mommyhood and I was burned out. I felt as if I had to do everything (gotta love my type-A, perfectionism). I never had a babysitter unless it was my folks those first few years. I just didn't believe in it. I believed I made the choice to stay home, so I should always take care of my children.

I have since learned how wrong that is. Not tooting my own horn, but there is a lot that had I not stayed at home, oldest would not have made the type of progress that he did had I not been home. I have learned that in order for my boys to make progress, it is a team effort. I have also learned that a rested mom is a happy mom. If mom is not rested and in 'low' stress mode, then things do not go smoothly in this house. THAT does not make me a bad mom. That makes me a realistic mom. That makes me a person who knows and accepts her limitations. That is good.

One thing that I thought was interesting is husband said that things such as Facebook and email (including email loops) are the 'worst things for housewives" (he just said this yesterday). I think these are the best things for SAHM. First of all, we have a support system. For example, I have an online support system for moms with a child on the autism spectrum. Is that a bad thing? Nope. We share ideas, give supports before IEP meetings, bounce ideas, etc. In the 'old days' this type of thing would not be available to moms like me. So, it would be better to be like it was when I first became a mom, feeling isolated and alone? No, I don't think so. Will I ever meet these people? Probably not as we are all scattered around the country. I know that if I didn't have this support system, I would probably be lost. I also have one locally. So, is the internet bad for SAHMs? No, I don't think so. What it has done is created a way for us to quickly interact with each other.

I also think that there is a 'label' that the working parent has for the SAHP (that's stay at home parent). This was briefly touched upon in my book that I just finished. What's interesting is that I know the working parent thinks that we just 'email, play on the internet and eat bon-bons" (hubby has said this, so I know that this is true and it was mentioned in the book when the SAHM became the breadwinner and the father stayed at home). I think that there is a lot of misunderstanding of what the SAHM does.

I actually consider myself a manager of my boys' schedules more than I consider myself a "homemaker' (in fact, I loathe that term). For example, I think my husband manages his subordinates, manages clients and reviews work. He'll probably tell you that he does more. What do I do as a SAHM? Well, I manage sub-ordinates (children), manage clients (teachers) and review work (of my boys' homework or of repair people/house cleaners, etc). So, my 'job' is not so far off of his job.

Why do SAHM get such little respect? That is the big question. Why do teachers get paid so little? First of all, it is a predominately female profession. As a 'typical' female profession, both have traditionally do not have respect of our society. Why is that? That is a good question. We both 'touch' the future of this country. Where would our next generation be without teachers and parents?

Now, I am not saying that you cannot be a working parent and not be involved in your child's life, but for me, it is the best option. For me, I would miss those 'little moments'. I have found something that 'fulfills' me. I know that I am lucky that I am able to stay home with my boys. I know that not every parent has that ability (financial or otherwise) to do so. Staying home means a lot of sacrifices. I realize that. I do not have my 'head in the sand' and think that every mom can do it or that the working parent does not want to stay home. However, it is also important to note that part of the SAHM's job is to support the working parent. It is also important that the working parent support the SAHM. Raising children is a team effort. I am just lucky enough to be the stay at home parent.

I also think that with my situation, it is best if I stay at home. As a parent of a special needs child, I cannot imagine getting him to the activities that he needs to go to while having a job especially since he needs routine and structure. My other two also need someone to tootle them around the place. I have become the typical 'soccer' mom in my few years of 'mommyness'.

My purpose of this blog post is not to show you, "this is what I do and my job is purposeful'. Rather, the purpose of this post is to let you into a little bit of my world. I read this book and it touched me. It was interesting how misunderstood SAHMs are in this world. I also think the working parent is also misunderstood. I think that is the new 'war' (when I had oldest it was the working mom versus stay at home mom, now I think it is the SAHM and the working parent). I don't really understand why we can't just all get along and focus our energies on raising our children to be good citizens...

"Best Christmas EVA!"

Yes, that was proclaimed by youngest on Christmas day. Granted, he has only had two other Christmases and he got pink eye on Christmas day, but still "it was the best Christmas EVA!".

I think he was happy because he got three dvds of his very own (he kept declaring them "HIS") and he got his own set of "Star Wars/Clone Wars" McDonald Happy Meal toys from Santa.

Homebound Hell: Day 8

Yes, I am in Homebound Hell. We are surrounded by a foot or two of snow. We've had snow since last Sunday (so eight days ago). The only day I have been 'out' is last Tuesday, when there was school. Other than that, I have been with my 'little darlings'. They have played in the snow, run amuck in the house (which irritates me to no end).

Over the weekend, we had a big wind storm in addition to the snow. This has created drifts or what the boys call, "hills" in our backyard and front yard. Oldest loves going in the backyard and running into the hills and making snow angels. Middle boy loves to do the same. These drifts are probably about several feet high.

When they are not running around outside, they are getting on each other's nerves inside. They do this via the game 'keep away' as in 'keep away' each other's hats, so that they have to run and get it (screaming of course) from each other. Of course, this is unacceptable in my world and they know it. In fact, last week, they had a triple time out (all three had a time out at the same time because they were just being crazy monkeys).

Today, I sort of 'hit the wall' as far as being in the house so much. It's not that I don't love spending time with my boys, it's that I have had too much togetherness. Usually, I just send them outside, but we can't with all of this snow.

I am trying to find the joy in this situation. I know that it is a rare chance to spend just a few moments with my boys. I know that it is a rare opportunity to do something just as a family. Unfortunately, I am a little tired and having trouble with that. I am also having trouble trying to do 'the perfect' Christmas. Not that Christmas has to be 'perfect', but that things are changing and it is hard to not necessarily 'meet' the expectation, but to not be too disappointed.

I know that family is what is most important at this time of year, so I am trying to focus on that. I do have a wonderful life and I am grateful for that everyday. I just need to focus on that 'little' bit of optimism and make it grow like I usually do.

Sorry this entry is a little downer. I hope you all hold those dear to you a little closer. They may make you nuts, but isn't that good? That means that you love them.

Another Snow Day!

This morning, our district cancelled school because of the threatened snow storm (or as the television stations have been calling it, "Arctic Blast").

As the snow began to fall, the boys were very excited. Youngest kept asking me, "is it Christmas, yet?". I think he associates Christmas with snow, which is very smart of him.

About 11 a.m., oldest came in from being outside and said, "Momma, I lay down like this (and he laid down on the ground) and move your arms like this (as he was making a snow angel motions)". I asked him, "who taught you that?". He told me it was his OT and his ST (I am not quite sure which).

Then, middle boy and youngest decided that it would be fun if THEY did it. So, they bundled up themselves and headed outside and made snow angels. Oldest had fun showing the others how to do it. And, they did.

I must be speaking Farsi...that's the only explanation

I am convinced I must consistently be speaking a foreign language so foreign to my boys that is why they don't understand me.

Consistently, my youngest feels the need to jump on the sofa. I keep it simple, "no jumping on the sofa". It must be coming out in some foreign language because he still doesn't get it.

Today, our second snow day was the worst for my six year old. He was bored (that is the only other plausible explanation) and I told him to "leave his brothers alone" and "not to touch his brothers". He told me he understood. He even nodded, 'yes' and said that he understood what I said. I must be speaking Farsi because he didn't understand. As a result, his terribly expensive glasses got broken because he was 'teasing' oldest and decided to keep his favorite Dash hat. As a result, oldest pulled his glasses down and bent them. With him, I do see military school in his future if he doesn't change his attitude. I thought I was at least 6 years away from the 'teenage attitude'.

If anyone can teach me plain English, that would be helpful so they could understand.

Catch up, again!

Of course, it is December and things are busy, busy, busy. So, I will try to catch you up on the latest goofy antics of my boys.

A few weeks ago, youngest had a cool idea for Mommy to play light sabers and dinosaurs. What does this entail? Well, youngest lines up his dinosaurs while Mommy and youngest take the light sabers and knock all of the dinosaurs down. This conflicts me on two levels: first of all, there weren't light sabers during the dinosaur times. I know, it is a technicality. Secondly, it is a little violent. I do let the boys play light sabers, only because it isn't guns or looks like a real gun.

Today was the Christmas pageant and our church. Middle boy was in it last year. I felt as a good board member of the youth advisory board, I should have at least one child in the play. Oldest couldn't handle it, youngest would have goofed off and middle son said he didn't want to do it. So, here I am, the Sunday School representative (the Sunday School put on the play) and I have no one in the play. I am a bad member of the board. The redeeming thing is on the way out, middle boy said to our Pastor and the Family Minister "Merry Christmas' without balking and said it in a booming voice.

The other day, I went in to work in middle son's 1st grade class. The teacher (who knows that I used to be a teacher) had me helping the groups with their reading (they switch rooms for reading class, so some of the students are not in her class). I realized that I haven't been out of the teaching profession WAY too long. The kids she has are the slightly below grade level kids. I am convinced there are a couple with special needs. I did my best to teach them something 'a different way' to help them understand how to do their work.